I read an article recently about how goats will save the world.  Actually, it was more about saving the planet on an ecological level.  And maybe it didn’t say that goats would be wholly responsible for this.  But still, the main thrust of the article was that goats are pretty awesome, and their usefulness is often underrated.  I support that sentiment, therefore I had to share my view.

For one, they are tireless mowing monsters.  They don’t need fossil fuels to operate, so that’s one level of environmental friendliness.  They can get to the hard to reach places such as steep hillsides, so they are more practical than machines.  They don’t need a human to steer them, so you can let them loose to go do their thing while you stay out of the heat.

And that’s just about maintenance on large fields.  How about goat milk and cheese?  You can enjoy these by-products of the critters who are eating your weeds.  Apparently many people who can’t tolerate cheese from cows can handle it from goats.  And you can always make goat milk lotion and soap which is good for the skin.

Goats are the ultimate garbage disposals as they will eat anything, so you don’t have to buy special feed.  (Yogi also eats everything, so we have often said he is part goat.  But he doesn’t seem to have the iron digestive system granted to real ruminants.)  It’s no coincidence that the acronym for “Greatest Of All Time” is G.O.A.T.

If you still need more convincing about the amazingness of goats, here are a few more ideas about how to monetize these critters.  Goat yoga has become increasingly popular; convert your garage into a studio and offer classes.  You could post videos of frolicking goats on various social media platforms.  Or allow people to hire your goats’ services.

I haven’t always been this gung ho about goats.  When I was a toddler, we took a family trip to Busch Gardens.  I was too young for all the walking so Mom decided to put me in a stroller.  There wasn’t a charge for this (so you know this story takes place a long time ago), but she had to give them her driver’s license as security.

Then we went to the petting zoo.  It included goats, and given their curious nature, one of them approached my stroller.  And decided to eat the identification tag.  Not being familiar with how goats operate, I guess I thought it was going to eat me, so I was shrieking at the top of my voice.  Meanwhile, Mom wondered if she would be able to get her license back since the tag was now gone.

Years ago I was tipped off to the “Childhood Goat Trauma” website, which offers support to those who as youngsters have suffered run-ins with goats.  It is a parody site that is so well presented that at first it seems like a real organization.  A cute cartoon goat introduces the home page.  But when you hover the mouse over the picture, the eyes turn red and it sprouts fangs.  

That’s when I clued in to the fact that it’s a joke.  Still, I think it could explain a lot.  I suppose it would be making them scapegoats for my shortcomings.  That reminds me:  I’ve heard of a video game called Escape Goat.  There’s also one called Ready Set Goat.  Maybe if I were to play some of these it would make me happy goat lucky.  Or I could just rent a ruminant and play with real goats.